Courage is not the absence of fear, it is resistance to fear.
Courage is the conscious decision to move through the fear toward the objective. James holds a supervisory position at a medium-sized professional firm. He is frequently called upon to do presentations to staff and clients, but makes every effort to avoid these speaking opportunities. James suffers from fear of public speaking, but will not admit it, even to himself. He chooses to bury the fear in denial. When on rare occasions he is forced to speak before a group, he dreads it, and suffers immeasurably before, during, and after the event.
For this reason, James enlists his friend and associate, Anthony, to do his presentations for him whenever possible. James admires Anthony and wishes he could address an audience with the apparent ease and confidence that Anthony demonstrates, but, as James inwardly struggles with his fear, it seems to grow stronger. He wonders how Anthony does it. James often congratulates Anthony on staying cool under pressure, saying, “Anthony, you’re fearless!”
Anthony uses actions to manage his fears and build courage daily, and anyone, including James, can do them and get results. Here are four that are easy to use and can be implemented daily:
Acknowledge and examine the fear.
This is essential, since denial of the fear increases anxiety and compounds the problem. The unknown is always feared, so examining the fear can begin to dispel it. Find a quiet place in your mind, and examine the fear or anxiety. It can be helpful to get a pen and paper and write down all the things that come to mind as you contemplate the situation, for example, an upcoming speaking presentation.
Now take care to tell yourself that it is okay to have this fear. There is nothing wrong with you because you feel this fear. And you are not alone in experiencing your fear. For instance, experts agree that fear of public speaking is one of the most common, if not the most common, phobias in modern society.
As you think it over, ask yourself, does this fear remind me of a past experience? Did I establish this fear as a child? Maybe a parent or a person in authority impressed the fear on you during your formative years. Some fears are learned -- and they can be unlearned.
Face your fear: prepare yourself to take action.
Taking action through fear can be thrilling, self-empowering, energizing, and, well, a whole lot of fun -- even if you’re scared and anxious beforehand. But this is true only when you’re prepared for it. In public speaking, preparation involves research, considering the audience and situation, tailoring material accordingly, and rehearsing. More important, prepare your mind. Access the spirit, energy, and passion of your mission or message. Ask yourself what you’re bringing to others.
Using public speaking as an example, ask yourself if you are approaching your audience with respect -- do you want them to benefit from this -- or are you only worried about your ego? Are you speaking from the heart? Will you allow yourself to have fun with this challenge? What do you love about your message? About this speaking opportunity? About this audience? Prepare by feeling good, because it’s how you feel inside that trumps the fear.
Come from love -- establish a purpose that is greater than your fear.
Love crushes fear. If you fill yourself with love and good feelings, there’s no room for fear. Enthusiasm, passion, and fun are contagious, attracting a like response from others. When you allow yourself to experience altruistic love, or passion for a cause, you’re empowered to trample fears and anxieties in pursuit of that cause. Likewise, when you transfer your focus from your own solitary ambition to thinking about and appreciating family, friends, etc., you’ll find you can boldly face your fears. Courage begins building momentum.
Stay in the present moment.
When living in the moment, not regretting the past or fearing the future, you are set free. Fear is always forward – fear of the unknown, the myriad "what ifs" that multiply anxieties about what is to come. When you let go of everything but the present moment, creativity and joy are released so any challenge can be faced. Realize you are the sum of all your experiences to date, and choose to love who you are today. Armed with this attitude, it's exciting to resist; to move through fear, taking steps in the present moment.
All of Anthony’s associates and subordinates describe him as, “fearless.” His staff loves to work with and for him -- they feel buoyed by his upbeat attitude and aura of strength and fun. But Anthony is not immune to fear -- he has fears, and like many others he is aware of the climate of anxiety that pervades the present economic situation.
Anthony is a person of courage. He realizes that if we neglect to take action against fear it can take on a life of its own. He knows that fear is an energy drain. For this reason, Anthony uses every opportunity, including public speaking, to acknowledge his fears and take action against them. In so doing, he inspires himself and others to meet myriad challenges. Anthony is determined never to allow himself to be paralyzed by stress and anxiety over speaking, the future, or anything else. Anthony knows that courage is not the absence of fear -- it is the presence of a willingness to resist -- he daily reminds himself to never give in to fear.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Marti MacGibbon, CADC II, ACRPS, is a certified mental health professional, inspirational motivational speaker, veteran standup comic, author, and member of the National Speakers Association. Her memoir, “Never Give in to Fear,” is available on Amazon.com and through her website, www.nevergiveintofear.com. To find out more about her speaking, visit her site or call 310 210 4674.
