I am not one for sharing my personal challenges, but it seems that every time we turn on the news we are hearing more and more about brain injuries and post concussion syndrome, with the latest being Sidney Crosby.
Last April I was on a golf course doing some wire tracing for a sprinkler system that was down. I was in the middle of the fairway and after an hour I finally found the problem, but was not paying attention to my surroundings. I took a line drive from a golf ball half an inch above my temple, and like any typical male I got up and leaned against a sign and said that I was OK, but I was definitely feeling disorientated.
Later that night my wife had to bring me to the walk-in clinic as my condition was declining. I was feeling sick, confused, and dizzy. By the time I saw a doctor I was unable to remember my daughters’ names or even my own birthday.
Obviously concerned, the doctor sent me to the emergency room for a CT scan looking for internal bleeding and a skull fracture. Fortunately the tests came up negative.
Over the next two to three weeks I tried to get back to work but found I was only capable of working a couple of days. I would complete a simple task on the course and return 15 minutes later to do it again, as I couldn’t remember what I had just done.
My post-concussion challenges included; a headache for 6 weeks, being extremely emotional for no reason, memory challenges, challenges with my speech, high anxiety around people, or in public, and basically being overwhelmed by anyone or anything! I was starting to feel detached from who I was and what I was doing.
Like most injuries, we think that in 4-6 weeks we’ll get better. It seemed as time went on my condition continued to decline. Before I knew it, I was far removed from my former self and who I was. I became more despondent from life in general, I dropped off of all volunteer committees, avoided people at all cost, and had great difficulty going out in public.
Uplands Golf Club was very supportive in my challenges and kindly excused me from any meetings for the remainder of 2010. I worked on the course in the morning so I could avoid people, and the remainder of the day I stayed in my office. It was more of a survival instinct.
As time went on I just could not believe what was happening to me, I couldn’t connect to anything. At one time, I was a person who read a book a week, played golf on a weekly basis, enjoyed the company of people and was generally very social.
Following my injury I did not pick up a book or even a trade magazine for 6 months. To this day I still see members at my course who have not seen me for 10 months because I avoid people. I have played one round of golf since my accident.
Part of my regular routine was to fill out psychological evaluations every two weeks because of my state of mind. I started to lose my comprehension and math skills, for example I could not even add up 6 dice when trying to play a game. There have been numerous times over the past year when I’ve had to pull my truck over; because my mind was so confused I couldn’t remember how to get home.
For the first 3 months after my accident I saw the doctor every two weeks and they said it would just take time, yet things kept getting worse. I have to admit I would try to hide or mask my symptoms and challenges from my family, friends, and coworkers, but deep down inside I was loosing a very serious personal battle.
I spent 3 months going to Victoria General Hospital working with specialists who deal with brain injuries. Going inside the hospital with all of the people and noise was one of the scariest and most overwhelming feelings I have ever had, and a feeling I will never ever forget.
My concussion has since been deemed a brain injury as I have spent many weeks relearning basic cognitive skills that are a part of our everyday life. It has been like going back to school, as I have had to relearn methods and strategies through a workbook that covered all aspects of life and social skills in order to comprehend and understand again so I can get back into society.
To put it into simplest terms where I am today March 4, 2011, my brain has lost the ability to filter out information, in other words my brain tries to process everything all at once.
Going into a grocery store is very difficult because of the colours, patterns, noise, people, you name it I am processing everything. When this happens my brain short circuits and you might as well be Charlie Brown’s teacher, because I don’t understand a damn thing after that. I don’t think I can put it into words the anxiety and challenges I feel when I get to this point of no return.
To this day I work with a brain specialist, and from what I’ve been told it will take 18-24 months for me to be back to 80 per cent. It was hard to hear that I won’t be back to my former self, and my personality may not be quite the same. It was extremely difficult to hear almost those exact same words from my 10-year-old daughter “who wished she had her old dad back”. However, I am a very patient and optimistic person, and I know my future will bright, it will just take time.
Many of you have not seen me for sometime, it’s not that I’m ignoring you or my industry, it’s that I still have my daily challenges, especially around large groups of people. I have been blessed to have such supportive family, friends, and the staff and membership of Uplands Golf Club.
My two close friends Dean Piller and Greg Kowolski have been there since day one, to help me through some of the greatest challenges in this past year.
As I mentioned earlier I do not share this story with you for sympathy; I share this with you so you may understand those who may be recovering from head trauma or concussion. I share this story so that you may be safe while you’re working on your golf course. It was one of those freak accidents that you think will never happen to you. When you think of the number of strokes played on a golf course in a given day, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more often.
I know I’m a different person from this, but I’m far luckier than the golf course worker in Florida who recently lost his life in a similar accident. Although times are still difficult I’ve learned a great deal from this personally and professionally. From this accident I know I will be a better person. If I was to give one word of advice, just be honest with those around you and what challenges you’re facing. Your loved ones deserve honesty, and in my case they have been able to help me out greatly.
Don’t ever take what you have for granted, so tonight when you go home show your wife and kids or loved ones just how much you really love them!
Brian Youell is the Master Superintendent at Uplands Golf Club in Victoria, BC.
