I took the kids to the Cleveland Indians game the other night. It was the usual $300 Major League Baseball misadventure that has less to do with baseball than with overpriced junk food, arguments about who got the binoculars and the dreaded trip to the gift shop. But, we had to go to this particular game because it was “Grady Sizemore Bobblehead Night.” Each attendee received a “free” plastic statue of the Indians’ popular, young center fielder. Almost 38,000 Clevelanders showed up to collect their toys. It’s a truly mystifying craze.
But, it got me thinking about the idea of bobbleheads for our business. This could be just the kind of collectible item that gets our profession noticed! The question is which industry figures we should pick to enshrine in our bobblehead hall of fame. Not surprisingly, I have a few suggestions:
GCSAA president bobblehead: Dressed in a nice blazer, but the head doesn’t actually bobble. Instead, the head retracts down inside the figurine’s neck to keep a low profile during the risky final couple of years on the board. Each one comes with the “Really Talented Assistant Superintendent” and “Extremely Patient Green Chairman” bobbleheads.
Steve Mona bobblehead: Looks a lot like a “Howdy Doody” figure but has cellphone permanently attached to ear. The head can bobble, but always swivels to the right and left to check the mood of the board before doing so.
Local chapter leader bobblehead: The head simply spins constantly. It comes with a prerecorded message that says, “Why the hell did I volunteer for this?”
Turf consultant bobblehead: Costs a minimum of $15,000 (plus expenses). It has a big grin on its face and constantly nods when asked by the superintendent, “You’re going to support my program, right?” It also nods when asked by the club president if the superintendent should be fired.
University researcher bobblehead: Comes with nice white lab coat and little plastic test tubes. Will bobble, but only for large funding grants. Also has a prerecorded message: “The results are intriguing, but this idea will need many more years of study.”
Head golf pro bobblehead: Has no body, just a huge head.
Pat Jones bobblehead: Comes with laptop and media credentials, but can’t bobble because head has been knocked off by all the nice people he just offended. GCN
Pat Jones is the president of Flagstick LLC. He can be reached at psjhawk@cox.net.