You’d better get better

Don’t like it? Sue me.

As I hope you’ve come to realize by now, my main concern in this column isn’t turf care, green committees or even golfers too stupid to obey a “no carts beyond this point” sign. No. My focus, month after month, is you. Specifically, your personal growth. Helping you become not only the best superintendent you can be, but also the best boss, best employee, best role model … really just the best person possible, at work and at home.

One of the more disturbing traits I witnessed over the last year is the ability of many people, superintendents and others, to mess up interactions with other people. How we interact with others, whether on the job, with family, or in those day-to-day moments, define who we really are.

So, I’m calling out everyone — including myself — for poor interpersonal behavior as described in the examples below. Do any of them sound familiar? Before you answer, consider whether your boss, staff, spouse, kids or that customer-service rep you got on the line accuse you of any of the following? Be honest. For their sake and your own.

My way or the highway. Are you always right, no matter what the subject? Are you spouting your always-right points of view without intelligent backup or real-life experience? If nothing else, it’s statistically impossible for one person to be correct all the time. But more than that, you’re shortchanging yourself by not accepting someone else’s thoughts, opinions or experiences. Don’t confuse your opinions for facts. Don’t automatically reject other perspectives. And when it turns out you weren’t right? Admit it.

Immediate no. How do you react to feedback or constructive criticism? We’ve all seen salespeople, construction crews and maintenance workers hear something and get angry, start yelling, or otherwise refuse to accept what’s been said. Rather than responding with the quick “No, you’re wrong,” toughen your outer layer and accept advice that comes your way. At least listen without interrupting and immediately reacting negatively. There may be more than a kernel of truth in what’s being said to you: Others wouldn’t offer suggestions and ideas unless they cared about you or your course. So, drop the defensive shield and open your mind to what others have to say.

Finger pointing. Be accountable for your actions. Rather than finger-pointing or placing blame elsewhere, accept responsibility. Nothing is worse for morale than shifting blame to someone else, particularly an underling. You’ll never regain their trust if you pass off the mistake as someone else’s and don’t admit your mistake. And even when others are partly at fault, good leadership begins with taking responsibility and, as quickly as possible, leaving the mistake behind and working toward a solution.

Are you listening? My father always said, “The more you talk, the less you know.” The ability to listen — and not just listen but really hear what is being said — seems to be a vanishing skill. The fastest way to lose someone’s respect or interest is to talk over them, interrupt or dominate a conversation. You won’t learn anything by closing your ears and opening your mouth: The goal is intelligent dialogue and a constructive exchange of ideas.

Snap judgments. Don’t assess others too quickly. Don’t be prejudiced by their name, accent, looks, the car they drive, the clothes they wear, the company they represent or any other obvious attributes. Judge by what they think and say. If you don’t like it or agree with it, at least you’re making a judgment based on fact, not fancy.

Too confident. The examples above are very similar because they’re all driven by the same negatives: ego and overconfidence. No matter how good you think you are, there’s someone smarter. You can learn something from almost everyone if you open your ears, close your mouth, and recognize that the person or people you’re dealing with deserve your understanding and respect. That would be a good start for all of us.