When is it time? You’ll know

I can’t remember another year when I heard so many friends and acquaintances in the industry call me up and say things like, “What a terrible summer,” and “I’m exhausted,” or “I’m getting too old for this,” and then “I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going.”

Yes, it was a terrible summer almost everywhere. Floods, fires, oppressive heat and weeks of rain were joined by economic worries, labor shortages, even on-course vandalism. Plus, the usual day-to-day hassles of dealing with members, dealing with committees, dealing with budgets …

Not a good year. But was it bad enough to make you quit?

When you or someone on your team loses the passion, interest and drive for the job — after a lousy season of weather or any time — what do you do? Start with this: Do you really want out? Or are you just burned out?

Not sure? You have to go deep and be honest with yourself. You also have to look and listen carefully, whether you’re worried about someone else or yourself.

Have you lost your spark? Many people don’t realize that they’re just going through the motions. They’re showing up, it’s true, and they’re doing the things they’re “supposed” to be doing, but something is off. There’s a change in their personality, satisfied with good when they used to strive for great. They’re angrier than they used to be, or maybe they’re quieter. They’re putting in the hours but not the effort. It’s probably easier to see in someone else, but watch that you’re not the one who has changed.

Unfortunately, falling out of love rarely comes with a grand declaration. Don’t expect to hear “I’m struggling” or “I don’t feel like doing this anymore.” You also probably won’t hear yourself say it, but you’ll probably feel something, even if it’s just being more tired than usual. Ask someone you’re close to — your spouse, a good friend — if they’ve noticed something isn’t right.

But that doesn’t mean there aren’t clues. A big one is silence.

Certain phrases also give things away. Here are a few to listen for:

“I’m just tired.” Long hours, crazy weather, excessive play, family obligations. It’s called life. But a low-grade exhaustion that lingers could be more than that. Is it time to see a doctor, just to be safe? “I’m just tired” is usually code for something more — disconnection, stress, even depression.

“It is what it is.” While that might sound like a mature outlook, even stoic, it also can be a sign of giving up. If you’ve stopped believing things can change, a change might be exactly what you need.

“I’m fine.” My mother said this no matter the situation, even when things clearly weren’t fine. It’s a way of avoiding a deeper examination of what you’re really feeling or when your emotions are really much worse.

“It’s their course, they can do what they want. I don’t care either way.” It’s a bad sign when you stop fighting for what you know is right, what is agronomically correct and what is in the best interest of the course or club. Do not give up fighting for science, for education, or for your golf course. If you do, it’s time for a gut check.

“I’m just keeping my head down.” What I hear is “I’m just trying to get by.”

“I don’t talk about that stuff.” This is what I mean by silence being a red flag. Confiding in your mentors, peers or associates can be liberating. Don’t keep “that stuff” locked up inside, burning a hole in your gut — or your heart. And if you think you can’t talk about such things, you might need a professional to help you let it out.

“Whatever.” If you hear that from one of your staff, your ears should perk up. “Whatever” is probably the last thing they’re thinking; they have thoughts, ideas, things they want to express. Maybe it’s about the course, but it could be about the long hours, the hard work, the feeling that there’s no way to climb the ladder. Saying “whatever” is a way to avoid conflict, which is a sign they’re giving up.

“I’m too old for that.” Maybe you are, but you’re not too old to know what should be done and how, vital information you can pass on to someone younger who wants to learn. And if you think hitting a certain age means it’s time to move across the aisle — from buying the products to selling them — just remember that a salesperson’s life is filled with travel, expense reports (or worse, paying for everything yourself!) and taking “no” for an answer day after day. Think you’re feeling old now?

Is it time for a change? You’ll know. You just have to look — and listen.