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It’s that time of year again, when I recount the season and generously hand out the Grainy Awards, my heartfelt attempt to recognize the up and downs of golf, which, as usual, went roller-coasting back and forth, from sea to shining sea.
Looking back, it was a dry year, not only from the heavens and in the ground, but in the spirit and humor that so often grip the game. If there was one overriding theme this year – the third for these awards – it was golf’s inability to laugh at itself. I know we have some serious problems, and people are proposing serious solutions. But let me once again remind everyone that through it all, it’s only a game. So let’s lighten up and have some fun. And with that, the envelopes please…
Best Horror Movie:
Greg Norman
Give Greg credit. A few years ago, he was the (unintended) lead actor in a mixed-up romantic comedy-tragedy. This year, he shifted gears – while forgetting to put on the brakes – in a blood-spiller. He got lucky, and the slip of the chainsaw resulted in a non-career-threatening injury when you remember that his new career is television, specifically providing color commentary (red?) for Fox when its USGA contract starts in 2015. Some advice, Greg: Leave the tree-trimming to the production designers and stay away from hand-held cameras.
Best Director:
Shawn Emerson, Desert Mountain
After the “set” fell apart following torrential downpours and floods (not once, twice but three times), coupled with the Champions Tour season-ending Schwab Cup, complicated by overseeding, Emerson was able to provide much-lauded course conditions and a stern test of golf for the competitors. How do we know this? Because the players were “befuddled” by the course conditions experienced, bringing back self-described memories of their U.S. Open conditions and past nightmares.
Best Documentary:
The California Drought
It’s documented, it’s discussed, the USGA probably has an “initiative” to solve the problem, but at the end of the day, it’s a desert. Paying golf clubs to take irrigated turf out of play or planting “natives” is a noble attempt at trying to make nice with Mother Nature. However, the NIMBYs continue their poor performance – washing driveways in Orange County, taking 25-minute showers at elite health clubs and commercial properties not monitoring their irrigation systems – while golf course superintendents take it on the chin.
Best Sound Mixing:
Team USA at the Ryder Cup
Instead of being humble in defeat, Phil Mickelson aired the team’s dirty laundry in front of an audience of international media, essentially throwing Captain Tom Watson under the bus for being “aloof and distant.” In team play, what’s said in the locker room should stay in the locker room. This is another example of American professional golfers not grasping the team concept. In the future, they would be wise to try for the award in sound editing.
Best Supporting Actress:
Paula Creamer
Holing any big-breaking, 75-foot putt is a big deal, but Paula Creamer dropped just such a bomb during a playoff to win the HSBC Women’s Champions tournament and end a four-year winless drought. Her dramatic reaction is worthy of a Grainy. Also, further “best supporting” congratulations to Paula, who got married in December.
Best Live Short Film:
Pace of Play for the LPGA
Emphasis on “short.” The USGA advising the LPGA on pace of play is like telling a glacier to move faster because of global warming. It’s well known that the women of the LPGA Tour, while very talented, are also among the game’s most “deliberate” players. (Sometimes I wonder if they actually are “live.”) Putting them on the clock is not only a good idea, but a necessity, yet I expect there will be at least one sequel to this movie.
Best Animated Short Film:
Pace of Play
Look up the definition of redundant and it reads “pace of play.” The USGA holds a summit on pace and it takes eight hours to discuss a four-hour round. The script for this film should be written by George Orwell. Or better yet, by Penn State graduate, Alabama scholarship golfer and seasoned superintendent Tim McAvoy, who says, “the best thing to speed up pace of play is darkness.”
Best Costume Design:
European Fans at the Ryder Cup
The always creative, never-let-you-down Euro fans were superbly attired and always good for a belly laugh or two. I just hope they remember to change before they go back to work. They do work, right?
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Pinehurst #2
With all the focus – and USGA-generated media coverage – on Pinehurst No. 2’s water savings, hosting two Opens back-to-back proved to be a huge and very successful undertaking. However, I still don’t think the golfing public is going to buy the “look” of those conditions: When we spend green, we want green, and no amount of public relations will change that. Or think about it from a course’s point of view: Who wants to spend millions of dollars to save a few thousand gallons of water?
Best Supporting Actors:
Patrick Reed and Jordan Spieth
With their bravado, fiery attitudes and ability to put the spirit back into competition, Reed and Spieth aren’t just my nominees for best supporting actors. They are the future of the game.
Worst Screenplay:
Maintenance Down the Middle
Maintenance down the middle, derived from the Pinehurst philosophy, is a great concept for saving on labor and irrigation. But how many golfers actually play down the middle? Furthermore, it’s a slap in the face to the superintendent, who is trained and entrusted to take care of the entire course.
Best Comeback:
Rory McIlroy
“Sex weakens the legs.” That admonition, once credited to Mickey Mantle, seemed to work for Rory. After releasing Caroline Wozniacki of her platform shoes and multi-carat ring, the lad from Holywood had a resurgence worthy of an Oscar. During the second round of the 2014 Tour Championship, Rory hit a drive that bounced off a tree and into a spectator’s pocket. The spectator was asked not to move while Rory and an official discussed how to properly play the ball. Rory took a drop and made par. Winning two majors – with or without a fiancée – is an award-winning showing. And we hear he’s now dating models.
Best Original Script:
PGA of America
You can’t make this stuff up, so someone had better write it down. Suggesting a PGA Championship outside of the USA. Valhalla’s finish in the dark. Announcing the Ryder Cup at Bethpage Black. Forming an alliance with KPMG, LPGA and NBC to bring the KPMG Women’s PGA Championship to Westchester Country Club next June. An abysmal Ryder Cup (Best Foreign Feature?). Ted Bishop’s troubled tweets. Suzy Whaley’s election. Memo to Pete Bevacqua: You might want to get some new writers in 2015. Ones who don’t like so many plot twists.
Best Director:
Mike Whan, Commissioner, LPGA
Twelve months ago, who could have envisioned so many uplifting and headline-making moments coming from women’s golf? Under Whan’s leadership, the LPGA Tour is flourishing. Like any good director, he got lots of support from his stars: Lexi Thompson and Michelle Wie both won their first major championships; Stacy Lewis and Inbee Park continued their rivalry; and Lydia Ko nailed the role of up-and-coming ingénue. If the USGA can really get the ladies to play faster, I might even watch them for a few minutes.
Special Achievement:
Drive, Chip and Putt, Augusta National Golf Club
The inaugural championship competition was exceptionally well run. Question is, who deserves more of the credit: a stellar international field of junior golfers or Augusta National, which has traded its former Greta Garbo-like privacy for Billy Payne’s open-door policy?
Get Me Rewite:
Ted Bishop
Did last year’s best director Grainy recipient, Ted Bishop, deserve to have his title and PGA privileges revoked for his “lil girl” comment? With all the other challenges facing our game, should a stupid tweet be a career-ending offense? Don’t worry Ted, we’re not asking for our Grainy back. From where we sit, Bishop remains a friend of the game. (Even my better half says she’s heard much worse.)
And what or who do you readers feel is Grainy worthy for 2014? Tweet your submission to @GCImagazine.
Tim Moraghan, principal, ASPIRE Golf (tmoraghan@aspire-golf.com). Follow Tim’s blog, Golf Course Confidential at http://www.aspire-golf.com/buzz.html or on Twitter @TimMoraghan
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Tim Moraghan
