A field guide to frauds

More than once in my career I’ve heard someone say, “The problem with golf is golfers.” This certainly can be true for superintendents. Even though players are our customers, they’re sometimes the enemy. And I don’t just mean driving their carts on tee boxes or not repairing ball marks. I mean by the ways they undermine us and our crews while claiming we have “the best interests” of the club and/or course at heart.

Because the ultimate goal of this column is to make the superintendent’s life better and easier, I’m going to make this one a field guide to frauds, a way to help you identify those “helpful” members and players who say they’re your friend but should never be trusted. I’m sure you’ve already run into many of these backstabbing saboteurs.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a surefire way of avoiding them other than jumping in your Gator and speeding off in the other direction. As always, you should know who your allies are on the board and the green committee, what management thinks of the job you’re doing, and tactfully ask what others think of these two-faced troublemakers. Chances are others are well aware of their habits and will tell you not to worry. But they’re still going to be there — and they’ll still waste your time.

The joker

Their insults are hidden behind humor. “You know, Tim, these greens are like putting on my living room carpet.” Usually mentioned in mid-summer. They think they’re being funny — and original —and are neither. But unlike most of the others mentioned below, there could be some truth in these attempts at levity, so what they are trying to say could be damaging to you. Maybe the greens are running a little slow? If you have figured this guy out, then get more specific details to expose their lack of turf knowledge.

The blame shifter

Quick to blame you, this person never takes responsibility for what could really be at fault — their game. If they come to you about course conditions, budget and labor issues, try to explain that you only have so much money and maybe he should take it up with the green committee and try to get you some more resources. But many of their complaints may be trying to mask deficiencies in their skills. Maybe suggest they talk to the pro about fixing that slice?

The false friend

To your face they say they only want the best for you. But behind your back, they’re out to get you, going to management or committees, questioning your expertise and actions. Chances are you’ve already been alerted to this person’s way of doing business. Someone should tell them that they should talk with you face-to-face, which they almost certainly won’t do. Calling them out might help solve the problem. But it might not. Sometimes you just have to live with it.

The chronic complainer

Usually found holding court in the men’s grill, these people are just unhappy about everything. Now it’s your turn. Nothing is ever right, so there’s not much you can do but stay out of their way — and feel sorry for the other members who fill out his foursome.

The doubt planter

This guy is sneaky. He’s not really complaining but drops little hints and negative comments that get into your head and nag at you, whether they’re viable or not. They’ll often couch negative remarks with something like, “It doesn’t bother me, but …” Rest assured, it bothers them. So rather than come out and say something, they plant the seed to let you know that others are unhappy. Who are these others? You’ll never know because they probably don’t exist.

The quiet man

Whispering to others, walking away when you approach, sneaking off to talk with your boss or someone on the board. The quiet types are not only negative, they’re also cowards. But it isn’t hard to figure out who they are, and you don’t have to worry about avoiding them because they’ll be avoiding you.

The opportunist

They’re loyal as long as you are useful. Sometimes you don’t realize who this person is until it’s too late. A subspecies to this personality is the walking contradiction. Their words and actions say everything is sunshine and buttercups, then they sit in the grill and grind you to dust. Remember, a high percentage of the people you will meet have two faces.

Your job is tough enough. These types only make it harder. You shouldn’t have to spend your time worrying about who is a real friend and who is trouble. But it happens. Do your best and remember: When it comes down to it, you are their employee. Keep arm’s length, don’t expect to be their friend, and don’t be surprised by whatever happens.